he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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