Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
