:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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