I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What a dumb baby whore.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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