How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
my liver is dry heaving
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
