I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's the barista slut.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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