i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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