Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
