Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
