we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
