if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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