how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
