He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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