Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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