come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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