At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
