he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
