then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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