I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
