He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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