I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
