We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
