What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
As shirtless as possible
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
