I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
