On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
