oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
