Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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