He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
