i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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