this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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