he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
