He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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