then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't turn off my feet"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
