how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
