mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
