that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
