I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
