My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
