I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
