i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
