soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
