I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You are the jesus of drinking
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
