I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
