Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
