if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
COCAINE IS GR8
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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