guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you win again, gameday.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
