does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
