3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
