and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
