So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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