When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
