all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
